Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
