Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
