i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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