So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
