Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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