Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
