come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
