My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
