I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
