32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
