dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
