Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
