How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize