Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
