i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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