PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
