remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I cut my penus on the lid.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize