went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
