That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
