They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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