just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
