call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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