I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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