now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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