On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
