Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize