I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
