Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
