I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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