I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
