Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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