Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize