just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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