A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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