my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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