I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
