I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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