We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
