My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
