I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
