I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just cropdusted the office
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she looked like the before picture.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize