yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
