Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
