my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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