I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
