Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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