he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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