dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
