Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Less talking, more tequila
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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