I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i came on her dog
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
