is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
