we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize