i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
