Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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