i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
