im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Farmville is her only friend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
