He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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