that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
