This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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