This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
