She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
