Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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