I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
