Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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