Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Goddamnit I hate your level headedness

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I demand visitation hours with the duck.

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(360): View more from Washington

Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

(253): View more from Washington

you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.

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(256): View more from Alabama

He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.

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