i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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