I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
