are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
