Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
