Porn is love you can see.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
