Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
