I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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