I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
