Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
