I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
